The birthday girl and her sad bashes.

Yeah just like my previous post,I should be happy for whatever reason it is for because it is my:

MY BIRTHDAY

But then I feel like I'm so depressed.Hard to believe,yes.But last night when it was 10pm,when my aunty came along and she gave me the biggest hug imagined and squezzed a hundred dollar note into my palm.And I refuted that.I don't want money,I want love.I want to be able to put the love God blessed me with to use and share it with one person.That one person I care about.But with my sincere thank you's,I backed out and went back to my room and threw that money on my bed.Money's not going to get me anywhere.I just wanted a heart to hold.To call it mine.So I hang around witha smile on my face.Yes I was happy,I wondered what surprises I'd get.All perked up to turn sixteen(This is when I cry out loud and tell you people I will get my driver's license sooner!)

So I bring my iPod to my room,and that when I got real emo.I don't know why,so punch me.Its not my fault.I am a fragile soul,nothing you can do about it.Nothing.So I continued the normal routine,I was in the midst of my third season of 'How I met your mother'

By the way did you know BARNEY actually,finally had sex with ROBIN??

So I watched two episodes in a row and I was tempted enough to press play for the third one but I was too tired.I watched the clock tick and I waited.I had messages poured in.Not exactly poured but what the hell.So its Jia Kai who sends a really nice birthday message and then Calvin with'Happy Birthday lil sista'.Seriously that boy has been messing around with Jay-Z's in KL.But I didnt get that one important call.That one who would have possibly stopped the tears.But I dont know why so I cried.12am-that was the first cry.

I drifted of to sleep,The hot tears that burnt evaporated and I felt horrified.I dreamt last night,a very confusing one.I was searching for someone,something somewhere.Alone.

And thats when I woke up,2am.And I cried again and moaned back to sleep.What was birthday anyway.Nothing.Not a speck of dust.Like it had no meaning.I wanted to force a fist on my face.Why cry when you turn sixteen?Why cry when you know if you live in America,you'd get a car now?[Okay.Maybe thats not the point]But it still made no sense.Why cry when you're going to have a great party?Why cry when your mother actually came in shortly before 12am and kissed you Happy Birthday?Why cry when you know you have a great elder brother who was the first one to call you and wish you?Why the sorrow.

School was fun yes.Thank you,science two.You made my day,but sorry to say it wasn't whole.To my deskmate Jenny,who never fails to be there and she heard it out.And I guess she's right,I am expecting too much.The world is never mine to own.Amd why the hell come back home and cry again?

I know why I cried.I know why I forced those tears out and why I never gave them a chance to stop.They wanted to.But I can't say it out here.Not here.Never.Cause they won't plaster their mouths and seal it.Then they'll be a new influenza.Screw H1N1.

Someone close down the schools in Ipoh too.People here have immune systems as well.

See my problem?I'm still joking but thats all for now.Thanks for the eyes,they read my miserable day.